Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Jelly Beans & Cosmos

I exercise. A lot. I drink water. A lot. I take vitamins. Usually.

I am constantly thinking about what I'm eating and whether or not it will show up on my butt. I'm a pretty health-conscious, weight-conscious middle-aged woman (assuming I die at 80...if I am going to live until I'm 90, I don't have to call myself that yet).

Until any holiday candy shows up in the grocery store. And then, I swear to you, I lose all self control. A trip down aisle 14 becomes a mental battle between Jenny Craig and Roseanne Barr.

It's the Easter season, so of course I need to have a bowl of jelly beans in my kitchen at all times. And those cute little Reese's eggs -- three of those can't be too many calories, right? What about the absolutely adorable pastel Hershey's Kisses? Or the Peeps, for God's sake? I don't even like Peeps, but they beg me to eat them, all colorful and lined up in their box like that.

Let's talk about M&Ms. The choices! Milk, dark, peanut butter, pretzel...yes, yes, yes and yes! I'll try them all! It's a holiday, right? Time to celebrate! Throw caution to the wind!

And they have bright, tempting candy for every season. No sooner do I vow to eat ALL the Halloween candy in the house, just to get rid of it so I won't tempt myself anymore, than the damn red and green candy canes pop up! Golden chocolate coins for Hanukkah! Kwanzaa candy? Then Valentine's Day! Then Easter! It's a conspiracy, I think, to keep my gym in business.

Ah, hell, what do I know. I can't fight it. Thankfully, it is really, truly, my only weakness. Sort of. I do like wine.

Except that daylight savings time makes me want a cosmopolitan.

It's hopeless.


  1. Oooh - let's have jelly beans and Cosmos on Friday!!!

  2. Hilarious... You need to give up sweets for Lent -- that will hold you accountable :)