Certain champagne, potential catastrophe

So there I was, late last night, manically whisking egg yolks for (what felt like) four hours to make the champagne sabayon for tonight’s dinner party. (Note to self: don’t take a body pump class on the morning you will be whisking for any extended period of time. Your arm might literally fall off. And your left-hand whisking isn’t nearly as effective.)

This dessert is insanely time-consuming to make, but I am proud to report that I did make perfectly wavy, elegant tuile bowls. (Ten of them. In almost three hours. And that’s not an exaggeration.)

All of this was mitigated by the fact that the sabayon didn’t require all of the champagne.

Anyway, this crazy work is really just very, very fun for me. I love an excuse to throw a party. I’d put this much effort into any capital-D Dinner capital P-Party, but now you see why I can’t capitalize many of them. I just don’t have the stamina.

But I’ve done my part. Now the rest of the universe just needs to cooperate with me so it’s a success.

What could go wrong, you ask? I have a list:

1. I could drink too much wine and talk too much and forget that I’m the one responsible for getting the food on the table.

2. The kids could refuse to go to bed. Remember the beach trip? Yes, that same friend will be here – we DO NOT need a repeat.

3. The dog could get under the table, sidle up to one of my male guests and plant his head firmly in the guest’s crotch, waiting for food.

4. The guest could like it.

5. Because there will be women here, and women are really just grown-up third grade girls, someone could say something bitchy and hurt someone’s feelings. Not on purpose, but it could happen.

6. I could drop a platter of anything between the kitchen and the dining room. Even – dare I say it? – the dessert.

7. Red wine could be spilled on my new, cream-colored dining room rug. Because I love it so much, I couldn’t brightly say, “It’s okay! I’ll clean it up later!” No, I would probably fall to my knees crying and screaming, “Out, damn spot!” just for the effect.

8. Caroline could sneak down and sit on the stairs and listen to our entire conversation, which, in the end, always ends up being inappropriate. For once, I want her to go have a sleepover, but no one’s biting.

9. My muscles could literally seize up from yesterday’s class and render me incapable of doing anything other than sitting at the table and letting people wait on me. (Hey…..hmmm.…)

10. I could crack a joke that’s not funny. One that makes my husband mad. Shocking, I know, but it happens.

11. Any sort of natural disaster could occur. Hurricane, flood, tornado, brush fire, they’ve all crossed my mind.

So, universe, listen up. Don’t screw with me. I don’t do this very often, and I make it the best it can be, and so I’d really appreciate it if you’d give me a pass tonight and let everything just run smoothly.

Okay?

If you listen, there’s a killer dessert and some good wine in it for you.