Thursday, August 25, 2011

The aliens have landed. Obviously.

(Yes, I do like lists. I even think in lists. And parentheses.)

Really smart people put together random events to draw sweeping conclusions, right? Well, then, here you go. (If I’m right, we’ll all agree I’m a genius, but it won’t matter. Which would suck. On so many levels.)

1. The largest earthquake in ages, here. Come on, really?

2. Instantly followed by the largest hurricane in ages, here.

3. My sister has this weird virus with the strangest combination of seemingly unrelated symptoms. I think the aliens have taken over her body, and I am certain she’d agree that’s how she feels. It’s just not normal.

4. Whit was out of town. In the morning, I repeated to him a 2 am phone call we had, word for word. Turns out we never had that conversation, but the words I recalled were from an unread text he sent me at midnight. (Seriously, people, I don’t really believe in aliens, but that is totally bizarre.)

5. And, in the strangest event yet, Bo ducked into some bushes on our walk and came out with an entire, untouched, roasted chicken in his mouth. Which he did not want to relinquish. Which led to the awkward sight of a fully grown woman and an oddly strong dog playing tug of war, in the middle of the street, over poultry.

You know, as I was putting all these events together, I became sort of thankful. Because it is now crystal clear to me that, as I suspected/hoped, I’m not really crazy. It’s just obvious that either the aliens have taken over, or it’s the end of the world. Duh.

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