Monday, March 19, 2012

I’m not dead, I’m just irritated.

Okay, so I’ve been pretty quiet lately. (Except on Twitter, which I openly hated and now secretly love.) And, while there are multiple reasons for this silence, something happened that made it particularly hard for me to sit down and joke about my life and my kids and my parenting failures and all the other things that have made this forum so cathartic to me for the past year (yup, one year. Happy birthday to me.)

I don’t really know how to say this in the vague way I’d like to say it, so I will just say it without lots of explanation and details: a fourth-grade class at Caroline’s school was given access to my blog.

Not by me.

Not by any of their parents.

It appeared when they logged on to their home computers to do their homework.

I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I do know that my kids can sit on this very computer, where I write my blog, for an indefinite amount of time and they will never stumble on my blog. But that’s not the case for the kids who did stumble on it.

Now, I am certain none of those kids clicked and read this writing. “Mama Drama” is hardly a salacious title for a fourth grader. And I am certain that however it happened, it was inadvertent and a mistake and blah blah blah. But I don’t need my daughter’s peers reading about what it’s like to be her mom.

At the end of the day, I can’t do a darn thing about it. It was pointed out to me that my blog is public (true) and can be found by googling my name (true). It was suggested I block the user name these kids use for their homework, but despite hours of online searching, I can’t find a way to block any users, I can only allow users. And (thank you God) there are plenty of people who read this blog who I don’t know, and I can’t allow the entire universe without allowing that one username (and you, the friend who said, “Oh, I make fun of bloggers!” when I told you I had started one. You’re banned, too).

But it’s one thing for me to write a parenting blog that, by necessity, mentions my children. It’s quite another to write a parenting blog that mentions my children that is also totally appropriate for any of their peers to read.

So I’ve been stuck. I’ve had a bunch of things I’ve wanted to sit down and write (it was St. Patrick’s Day, after all, and I was itching to publish a follow up to this or this) but I’ve gotten stuck because I just don’t know who will be reading what I write. And the fact that anyone can read what I write becomes both a blessing and a curse, because I never, ever want my writing to make my children uncomfortable. (Until they’re adults and have several years of good therapy under their belts.)

I will come back to this. I like it too much. And I LOVE those of you who have asked me where it’s been. But I have to let the yucky feeling pass before I can get back to it.

7 comments:

  1. :( I get it...but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I miss my dose of Mama Drama several times a week...

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  2. As a fellow blogger, I find this horrifying! I love to mock my life, my kids, my hubby, myself. I don't actually want my family reading my blog. Soooooo, I miss your blogs, but I totally get it.

    Jen @ http://ivegottogetthisoffmychest.blogspot.com/

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  3. Thanks for explaining as your blog is truly missed! Hopefully, the teacher will take it down so you can continue to make us laugh and cry. If the 4th grade teacher is reading....take it down, please!

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  4. Sharon from WisconsinMarch 20, 2012 at 1:08 AM

    Finally an explanation for my missing Mama Drama's! I really have missed "your perspective" on life's little problems. I hope you are able to find a work around soon ~ so you can get back to doing ~ what we love!

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  5. Tough situation and I'm sure everyone is sorry that it has been inadvertently thrust upon you. If it is any solace, your blog has been missed and I hope to read more from you in the future. You put a human touch to the trials and trivializations we all feel as parents every day.

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  6. Julie:
    I'm clearly behind and just read this blog. I'm sorry about what happened and get it if you need some time to wrap your mind around it. You are a brave, honest, gifted writer, an you've brought a lot of joy to your readers, especially this old friend.
    Fondly,
    Jennifer Leslie Boettcher
    (not-so-secret lover of Twitter, too!)

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  7. Oh man - I so get it! This is such a conundrum. I'll let you know how it goes for me with my recent choice. I'm hoping for the best. We can't live in fear - we simply MUST WRITE.

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