Wednesday, September 5, 2012

The bright lights of fame are blinding…my dog?

I just got the mail and opened a letter from Workman Publishing Co. with interest. After all, I do aspire to be a writer. "Perhaps," the thought skittered optimistically across my mind, "this contains an unsolicited yet lucrative book deal!" (Only catch is that I haven’t actually written a book. But whatever. Weirder things have happened.)

"Dear Whit and Julie Kennon," the letter read,

"Congratulations! We are very happy to inform you that your dog, Bo, has won a spot in the 2013..."

...wait for it...

..."Bad Dog Picture-A-Day Wall Calendar." Better yet, he’s also Mr. March 18 in the Bad Dog Page-A-Day Calendar.

Oh, crap! Apparently at some point I sent this company a picture of Bo. Of all the bad things Bo has done in 13 years, I can’t even imagine which one I chose to send. The one where he’s eating a poopy diaper or road-kill rabbit? Or running away from me with a raw steak in his mouth? Or finding chickens in the bushes or blowing his doggy camp interview? Or chewing something expensive? Or breaking the guinea pig out of her cage so he can chase her around and cause G.P. P.T.S.D. (A.S.A.P.)? Or breaking into my then-pregnant neighbor’s house and making her chase him as he only stopped to drink out of toilets? The possibilities are endless.

And I, truly, do not know. I have no recollection of which picture I could have sent, or when I sent it. I do know something about it sounds vaguely familiar so I’m sure it’s not some cruel attempt by a disgruntled neighbor trying to point out that my dog can be a little deviant.

My husband, who is rarely surprised by anything I do, just shook his head and said, "My dog is the most famous member of my family. This is pathetic."

No way it’s not. Everyone!!! Go buy the 2013 Bad Dog Picture-A-Day Wall calendar or the Page-A-Day Wall Calendar. I’ll get Bo to give you an authentic paw print on the page for March 18. And, not to be pessimistic, but I’d hurry if you want that paw print. In people years he’s a nonagenarian (sad for me and my dog, but a great Scrabble word).

Oh, Bo. You’ve got game, my little canine friend.

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